Realizations

I've grown so much at camp this summer. I realized that all the depression and feelings I had during the last school year had less to do with how other people actually treated me and more to do with how I actually perceived their treatment of me. Because I was not satisfied with myself and who I was, I thought that other people were not satisfied with me. I've been convicted of this attitude this summer. As I've come to find myself this summer, as I've given up my plans for my life at school and given in to God's, He's shown me just how much of my depression had to do with my own thoughts. I've been so closely connected to God and to people on fire for Him, that my own selfish thoughts and self-condemnation have become less and less. I still struggle with pride and low self-esteem, but because I have realized that those thoughts are completely the opposite of what is right, through God's grace I have found healing. Healing from myself. I know that there are several things I need to do when I get back to school: get connected with my mentor, become a mentor (because you learn through teaching others), become more plugged in with on fire Christians, and find more ways to serve God unselfishly. I think that perhaps giving up theater will allow me the time to do these things. I do not know what's in store, but God is working and moving in my life. I am not the same person who left Bethel this spring feeling defeated. Through God, I will conquer the feelings of unworthiness and will spring forth to do what He desires. Amen.

Continuations of the Summer

So much has happened during camp this summer, I do not even know where to begin. During the weeks we spend our time serving the campers in every way possible. It's been a challenging and humbling experience, whether I was cleaning up a slip 'n slide full of food slop or hosing down a giant inflatable Hulk. I've been involved in the worship team, I've helped run the skit and/or been in the skit, and I've worked on games, parties, banquets, etc. This past week I did not feel like I was as involved with the kids directly because I was so busy working on programming stuff. Because this was our first week of junior high camp lots of stuff had to be prepared for the first time.

On the weekends the staff just hang out. We go out to eat, watch movies, go on the speedboat, and recharge from the week. It's been a lot of fun and a great experience to hang out with such a close group. We've really become like a family, something I haven't experienced anywhere else. I truly consider every one of my fellow staffers as my brothers and sisters. I feel such a sense of belonging. I will be so sad to leave in four weeks.